Tried Therapy Before? How to Start Again and Find a Better Fit

If you've tried therapy before and stopped, you're far from alone. Many people begin therapy with hope, only to find themselves dropping out weeks or months later. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes progress feels slower than expected. Sometimes the relationship with the therapist doesn't feel quite right. Whatever the reason, many people leave treatment wondering whether therapy can really help them.

Research suggests that early withdrawal from therapy is a common experience. In their review of more than 50 years of research on therapy dropout, Barrett and colleagues concluded that early withdrawal remains a significant challenge in mental health treatment and is influenced by a complex combination of client, therapist, and systemic factors.

The good news is that leaving therapy once does not mean therapy can never help you. In fact, your previous experience may provide important clues about what you need for therapy to be successful the next time around.

Why People Leave Therapy

There is rarely one simple reason.

Some people stop because scheduling, finances, childcare, work demands, or transportation become overwhelming. Others leave because they are not seeing the progress they hoped for. Some struggle with symptoms such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or low motivation that make attending sessions difficult.

For many people, however, the issue is more personal. They find themselves thinking:

"I don't think my therapist really understands me."

"I don't feel comfortable talking about what's most important."

"I don't think we're working on the right things."

"I'm not sure where this is going."

These experiences can leave people feeling discouraged, uncertain, and increasingly disconnected from the process.

When Therapy Leaves You Feeling Ashamed

Most people expect therapy to be a place where they feel understood. When that doesn't happen, the experience can be surprisingly painful.  Some clients leave feeling frustrated. Others leave feeling disappointed.  Some even end up feeling ashamed.

They may quietly conclude:

"Maybe I'm too complicated."

"Maybe I'm not trying hard enough."

"Maybe therapy works for other people, but not for me."

"Maybe I'm the problem."

These beliefs can linger for years.

Some people feel ashamed because they stopped attending and see themselves as having "failed" therapy. Others felt judged, misunderstood, dismissed, or pressured during treatment. Some never felt fully comfortable opening up. Others felt that the therapist's approach didn't fit their needs but blamed themselves rather than the mismatch. The unfortunate irony is that people who most need support are often the ones who become hesitant to seek it again.

But therapy is not a test you pass or fail.

A disappointing therapy experience does not mean you are resistant to treatment. It does not mean you lack motivation. It does not mean you are beyond help. More often, it means that something about the timing, approach, expectations, or therapeutic relationship was not working well enough to support meaningful progress.

Many experienced therapists have met clients who begin treatment by saying:

"I almost didn't come."

"I've tried therapy before and it wasn't helpful."

"I'm not sure I believe this will work."

These statements are not signs of failure. They are signs of courage, of someone who has been disappointed and is understandably cautious but willing to try again.

When Therapy Doesn't Feel Right

One of the most common reasons people leave therapy is that they never talk about their dissatisfaction. They worry about hurting their therapist's feelings. They don't want to seem difficult or critical. Or they assume that if therapy isn't helping, there is no point discussing it.

In reality, some of the most productive conversations in therapy begin with honest feedback. If something feels off, consider saying:

"I'm not sure we're focusing on what feels most important to me."

"I find myself leaving sessions feeling stuck rather than clearer."

"I'd like to talk about how therapy is going because something doesn't feel right."

"I'm realizing I need something different from therapy than I thought I did when I started."

"I don't think I've been completely honest about some of my concerns, and I'd like to talk about them."

A skilled therapist will not see these statements as criticism. They will see them as valuable information, an opening to a conversation that can facilitate important changes in therapy. Sometimes these conversations help identify obstacles that have not been discussed or clarify that another approach may be more appropriate.

All of those outcomes are preferable to quietly withdrawing and carrying unanswered questions on your own shoulders.

Maybe You Need a Different Approach

Research consistently shows that the therapeutic alliance, the collaborative relationship between therapist and client, is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy. However, not every therapist is the right fit for every client. This can be difficult to accept because many people assume that if therapy isn't working, they must be doing something wrong. Yet therapy is fundamentally a relationship, and relationships vary in quality and fit.

Some people discover they want a therapist who is more direct and structured. Others need greater emotional exploration. Some benefit from practical coping strategies, while others need a deeper understanding of longstanding patterns.

If you're wondering whether your current therapy is the right fit, consider having an open conversation that might start with one of the following sentences.

"I appreciate the work we've done together, but I think I may need a different approach."

"I've been reflecting on what I need from therapy, and I'm not sure we're getting there."

"Can we talk about whether another type of treatment might fit my goals better?"

"I don't necessarily want to quit therapy. I'm wondering whether there's a different way of approaching things. Can you help me think through other options that might be available?" Our therapists welcome these conversations and are happy to help clients find the care that best meets their needs.

Talking to a New Therapist About a Previous Disappointing Experience

Starting over can feel daunting. You might hesitate to tell a new therapist about a negative experience fearing that it will make you look resistant, unmotivated, or difficult. In reality, your previous experience is valuable information.

A new therapist doesn't need a polished explanation. They simply need to understand what happened and what you'd like to be different this time. Here are some ideas of things you might say.

"I've been to therapy before, but I stopped because I didn't feel we were connecting."

"I felt like we talked about problems but never really moved toward solutions."

"I wasn't sure what we were working toward, and eventually I lost motivation."

"There were things I didn't feel comfortable saying."

"I left feeling discouraged, so I'm a little nervous about trying again."

And then, you have a great opening to tell your therapist what you hope for this time around:

"I'd like us to be clear about goals."

"I'd appreciate regular check-ins about whether therapy is helping."

"I want to feel comfortable talking about concerns as they come up."

None of this is a sign of failure. These are signs of self-awareness. A good therapist will not expect you to pretend that the previous experiences never happened. Instead, they can use those experiences to help understand you better.

Thinking About Trying Again? Looking to find a better fit?

At Medipsy, we understand that reaching out after a disappointing therapy experience can take tremendous courage.

Whether you left therapy recently or years ago, you don't need to hide your doubts, your frustrations, or your fears that it might not work. We welcome conversations about previous therapy experiences, including what felt unhelpful and what you're hoping will be different this time. Our goal is to help you find an approach, a pace, and a therapeutic relationship that fit your needs.

If you've been wondering whether it's worth trying again, we invite you to reach out using our form, by emailing us or calling 514-419-3005 for a quick chat with Maria or Sandy.

Sources and Further Reading

The information in this article is informed by peer-reviewed research on psychotherapy engagement, treatment dropout, and the therapeutic alliance, including the following.

Barrett, M. S., Chua, W. J., Crits-Christoph, P., Gibbons, M. B., Casiano, D., & Thompson, D. (2008). Early withdrawal from mental health treatment: Implications for psychotherapy practice. Psychotherapy, 45(2), 247-267. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-3204.45.2.247 [pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov], [europepmc.org]

Swift, J. K., & Greenberg, R. P. (2012). Premature discontinuation in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 80(4), 547-559. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0028226 [pubmed.ncb...lm.nih.gov], [europepmc.org]

Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Wampold, B. E., & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316-340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172 [societyfor...herapy.org], [scispace.com]

Artificial Intimacy and Mental Health: Clients Should Know

Artificial intelligence (AI) has entered many corners of daily life, including the ways people seek comfort, companionship, and even therapeutic guidance. Chatbots and virtual companions can feel surprisingly attuned. They respond quickly, they never seem impatient, and they can give the impression of understanding our emotions. For some people, this creates a sense of connection that feels almost intimate.

This growing trend has prompted thoughtful discussion among clinicians and researchers. What does it mean to form an emotional bond with a machine? Can AI support mental health in meaningful ways? And what should people who are considering psychotherapy know about these tools?

This article offers a balanced look at the emerging idea of “artificial intimacy” and how it intersects with mental health care.

Understanding Artificial Intimacy

MIT psychologist Sherry Turkle uses the term artificial intimacy to describe the emotional experiences people have with machines that imitate care and empathy (Turkle, 2023). These systems are designed to sound warm, attentive, and responsive. They can feel like companions, even though they do not have feelings, personal histories, or the capacity to care in a human sense.

Humans naturally respond to anything that behaves socially. This phenomenon has been documented in decades of research on human–computer interaction (Reeves & Nass, 1996). Responding to social behaviour is part of how we build relationships. But when the “other” in the relationship is a machine, the experience gets complicated. The comfort may feel real, but the relationship is not.

Where AI Can Be Helpful

Despite these complexities, AI tools can be useful for some people. They are available at any time of day, which can be reassuring for someone who is waiting for therapy or needs support between sessions. For individuals who feel hesitant or ashamed about seeking help, talking to a non judgmental system can make the first step feel easier.

Many AI tools also offer practical resources like psychoeducation, coping strategies, reminders, or mood tracking features. Some research suggests that structured, skills based conversational agents can help reduce symptoms of depression in the short term (Fitzpatrick et al., 2017). For some people, AI can be a bridge toward human therapy, helping them articulate their feelings or recognize patterns before they speak with a clinician.

These benefits are real, and they matter. They reflect genuine needs in a world where access to mental health care is uneven and waitlists can be long.

Where Caution Is Needed

Alongside these advantages, researchers and clinicians have raised concerns about relying too heavily on AI for emotional support.

One of the central issues is empathy. AI can imitate empathy convincingly, but it cannot feel concern, responsibility, or care. Turkle describes this as “the performance of empathy, not its reality” (Turkle, 2011). For some people, this distinction may not matter in the moment. But over time, it can shape expectations of what emotional support should feel like.

Another concern is emotional dependence. Some users develop strong attachments to AI companions, sometimes intense enough to interfere with real world relationships or delay seeking human help (Bendig et al., 2019). Because AI systems are designed to be agreeable and endlessly validating, they can create a kind of friction free “relationship” that feels easier than human connection. Real therapy, by contrast, involves support and challenge, comfort and discomfort, and the work of navigating relational tension.

Privacy is another important consideration. AI systems may store or analyze sensitive personal information, and they are not bound by professional confidentiality standards. And in moments of crisis -suicidality, trauma, acute distress - AI cannot reliably assess risk or intervene. Human judgment is essential in these situations.

Documented Real World Harms

Recent research has begun to show how these concerns play out in real life. A 2026 cross sectional study examined 185 real world reports of mental health harm linked to AI chatbot use, many involving people who turned to AI for emotional or therapeutic guidance. More than half of the cases involved delusional beliefs, and in nearly half of those, the chatbot validated or elaborated the delusion, worsening symptoms. Reported consequences included relationship breakdown, job loss, psychiatric hospitalization, and in four cases, death by suicide. These findings highlight how easily AI can reinforce distorted thinking when users are vulnerable or in distress.

Legal cases have also begun to surface. Several lawsuits filed between 2024 and 2026 allege that AI systems provided harmful guidance to users in crisis. They can romanticize suicide, sometimes discouraging people from seeking human help, and in a few cases allegedly encouraging self harm. While these cases are still under investigation, they underscore the risks of treating AI as a therapeutic confidant, especially when the system is designed to be emotionally responsive but lacks clinical judgment or ethical responsibility.

What This Means for People Seeking Therapy

AI can be a helpful supplement, but it is not a replacement for psychotherapy. It may help someone practice coping skills, track their mood, or feel less alone in the short term. But psychotherapy offers something fundamentally different: a relationship with a trained professional who listens, responds, challenges, and cares in a way that no machine can.

Therapy is not friction free. It is a human relationship, with all the nuance, vulnerability, and growth that human relationships involve. That relational experience, its safety, its honesty, its humanity, is central to healing.

A Balanced Approach

AI can be one helpful resource among many, but it cannot replace the human connection at the heart of psychotherapy. A therapist’s care is not expressed only through comfort and agreement. It also shows up in the moments when they gently challenge you, name patterns that may be hard to hear, or help you face emotions you might prefer to avoid. These difficult conversations echo the earlier point that real therapy involves both support and friction. AI systems are designed for only the support half of this. In psychotherapy, challenge is not a failure of empathy; it is part of the therapist’s investment in your growth. Therapists stay with you through discomfort, help you make meaning of it, and work with you to build the emotional resilience that artificial intimacy cannot cultivate. AI may offer companionship or tools, but the work of healing ultimately happens in the space between two human beings.

References

Bendig, E., et al. (2019). Chatbots in psychotherapy. Psychotherapy Research, 29(8), 1–13. 2026.

Reeves, B., & Nass, C. (1996). The Media Equation. Cambridge University Press. Fitzpatrick, K. K., Darcy, A., & Vierhile, M. (2017). Woebot study. JMIR Mental Health, 4(2), e19.

Turkle, S. (2023). Artificial Intimacy: Virtual Friends, Digital Lovers, and Algorithmic Matchmakers. Penguin Press.

Turkle, S. (2011). Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. Basic Books.

Why Teens Melt Down Before School and How Parents Can Respond More Effectively

Is school anxiety greater for young scholars or their parents? The challenges adolescents face now are a world away from the ones their parents faced in high school, and every year it seems to get a little harder for parents and teens.

For example, what happened the last time you tried to wake your child up for school? Were there arguments? Repeated five-minute warnings? Were there angry denunciations? “I hate school. It's torture! School is ruining my life! I hate you for making me go!” On the surface, we see anger, frustration, even aggression.

As a parent, you might ask yourself, “What am I doing wrong? Why is there so much conflict with my kid?” There is no handbook on how to navigate the turmoil of adolescence, because there is no single right way to parent. However, research on families has deepened our understanding of parent and child interactions and can provide insight into what contributes to hard moments getting worse or better.

We contribute in two ways

So how do we respond to the angry tirade? Curiosity is generally where you would start. “What is going on? How can I help? But as the weeks and months of the school year pass, it is easy to fall into the “I’ve heard this a million times; let’s not do this again” mindset.

In every interaction, all parties contribute to tense interactions either by escalating or de-escalating the situation. In more technical terms, this is referred to as invalidation or validation. Research supports validation as a strategy to reduce tension and conflict in parent and child interactions. Furthermore, a longitudinal study following 634 adolescents and parents from Grade 6 to Grade 9 found that the influence is bidirectional. Parents' responses to their teens' anger had an impact on their teens' ability to regulate their own anger, anxiety, and low moods. Likewise, the teens' behaviours shaped the parents' response over the course of the study (Otterpohl et al., 2022). Essentially, it shows that escalation in interactions is a loop in which both you and your teen may get caught without even knowing, and, for better or for worse, reactions on one side influence reactions on the other.

What you see is not the whole picture

Anger, in these moments, is usually just the tip of the emotional iceberg, a reaction to a deeper, primary feeling. Underneath the fury, your teen might be feeling intense shame about a math unit they have stopped understanding, or the social dynamics in the cafeteria at lunch. Shame is very hard to talk about, let alone at 7:15 in the morning. Often, it comes out as fury “I hate you for making me go!” A natural reaction is to engage with the anger being shown and try to de-escalate. It seems perfectly logical to discuss the point about school, how this is out of our hands, or even try to engage in some problem-solving. However, the thing our teen hears is that how they feel is wrong, invisible, or invalidated.

How you are feeling matters

Here's where research can become genuinely useful! The same parenting doesn’t always

elicit the same response in teens. The words are only half the equation; how and when you deliver

them is the other half. Think of the phrase “That's enough.”When your child is at a three out of ten,

this lands differently than when they are at an eight out of ten. Invalidating responses to a child's

negative emotions were linked to worse adjustment, mainly when the parents were feeling highly

emotional as well (Fabes, Leonard, Kupanoff, & Martin, 2001).

If parents are depleted themselves, work pressures, bills to pay, or even just trying to manage

their schedules, they may try to set aside their own emotions while dealing with their kids. Research suggests the emotions leak and produce a flat, clipped delivery that adolescents hear as contempt. High arousal also narrows the window of reflection. The more dysregulated we are, the less able we are to consider what is driving our child's behaviour. We don't reflect emotion on our faces and access the smaller and harsher set of parenting responses. This is why the wise response only occurs to you an hour after the argument.

How to validate

A better beginning to the interaction starts with you, before the interaction even begins.

Check your own temperature before you open the door. What am I feeling? Where are my emotions on a scale of 1-10? What is my goal as I go to speak with my teen? The goal of this exercise is to make sure that your own emotions are regulated before engaging with your teen. Effective interventions start with a pause that breaks the chain of automatic, escalating responses. This pause gives you a chance to shift away from an argument-prep mindset. Validation involves responding to the part of the iceberg that is underwater. Going back to our example above, there might be a shame signal underneath all that anger. “It sounds like you're dreading something at school today” turns the temperature down; debating whether school is actually torture turns it up.

You can validate the feeling without validating or endorsing the strategy. You are not saying

that it is okay not to go to school. You are saying that it is okay for your child to feel what they are

feeling. The shame is legitimate even when the skipping school is not. Think of it this way: you’re

saying, “I hear that something at school is making it feel torturous to you,” not “I agree that school is medieval torture.”

This opens the window for repair. Sometimes it will be enough to de-escalate. Other times

your teen will persevere, and fights still ensue. If you get caught up and have difficulty regulating

yourself, it happens; we are all human! Owning your own emotions is another good strategy. “I was

short with you this morning; that was on me, not you” is de-escalation after the fact, and it is a

version of emotion regulation your teen will respond to and can learn for themself.

When to seek help

Friction and arguments are not uncommon around transitions and higher-stress times like

exams. Recovery may happen by evening or as the stressful time (like exam season) passes. What

deserves greater attention are patterns that endure, escalation that grows over weeks (needing to

continue the 5-minute warnings for 30 minutes), avoidance of friends or activities, and physical

complaints that tend to vanish by the weekend. None of this is a diagnosis, but it is a point where

someone outside the loop can help. And any concern about your teen's safety is a signal to seek help promptly.

Where parent coaching comes in

Parent coaching works on the parent's side of the loop, and the evidence for adolescents is

encouraging. Research has shown that improving parents' impulse control and reducing invalidating responses reduces family conflict from both parents' and teens' perspectives (Havighurst, Kehoe, & Harley, 2015). Reviews suggest that parents' own regulation skills come first, as every other parenting skill depends on them (De Raeymaecker & Dhar, 2022; Hajal & Paley, 2020).

When the pattern is deeply entrenched, teens often need their own resources, like individual

psychotherapy, to develop their emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills. It is equally as

important that parents work on their side. It signals that you are not asking just one person to change a pattern that two people maintain.

If you’re noticing patterns that feel stuck, morning battles, growing avoidance, or tension that

doesn’t resolve, parent coaching can help you shift the dynamic. Our clinicians work with parents to strengthen emotion‑regulation skills, reduce escalation, and create calmer, more connected

interactions at home. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Medipsy can help you explore whether parent coaching is the right next step for your family (www.medipsy.ca).

Why Teens Melt Down - by Adam Wolfe, Social worker and intern in psychotherapy at Medipsy

Book your parental coaching session or therapy appointment here: https://bit.ly/4zqBoor

References:

De Raeymaecker, K., & Dhar, M. (2022). The influence of parents on emotion regulation in middle

childhood: A systematic review. Children, 9(8), 1200.

Fabes, R. A., Leonard, S. A., Kupanoff, K., & Martin, C. L. (2001). Parental coping with children's

negative emotions: Relations with children's emotional and social responding. Child Development,

72(3), 907–920.

Hajal, N. J., & Paley, B. (2020). Parental emotion and emotion regulation: A critical target of study

for research and intervention to promote child emotion socialization. Developmental Psychology,

56(3), 403–417.

Havighurst, S. S., Kehoe, C. E., & Harley, A. E. (2015). Tuning in to Teens: Improving parental

responses to anger and reducing youth externalizing behavior problems. Journal of Adolescence, 42,

148–158.

Otterpohl, N., Wild, E., Havighurst, S. S., Stiensmeier-Pelster, J., & Kehoe, C. E. (2022). The

interplay of parental response to anger, adolescent anger regulation, and externalizing and

internalizing problems: A longitudinal study. Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology,

50(2), 225–239.