Why Small Moments May Matter More Than You Know

One of the themes that is often on my mind is the value of connection. We often think of connection as something big: a deep conversation with a partner or close friend or an important connection with someone who can further our career or help our kids. Those are certainly important, but what I want to focus on here is nothing big or dramatic. It is small, human moments that remind us we are not alone. Researchers call these moments positivity resonance, times when you and another person share a sense of warmth, understanding, or kindness. It might be that moment in an elevator when a small child hides behind her mother and you smile together noting, “My daughter did the same thing when she was three.” It could be sharing a smile with a colleague in a meeting when you realize you both find the new policy equally ridiculous. It is a moment of feeling seen and together, a breakthrough in our feeling of being alone in the world. If it had words, they would be something like, “You get me.” What I love about this concept is how deeply it aligns with values many of us have: caring, presence, and belonging. As we honor the importance of these values research tells us, we are also: • helping our bodies settle and feel comfortable, • lifting our mood in a gentle way, • strengthening our sense of being part of the world. Positivity resonance can and should happen in therapy. Therapists are trained in and care about helping you feel understood. But the research tells us that it can equally happen in a very brief exchange, with the barista who gives you your caramel macchiato each morning, or with a complete stranger who is waiting for the same bus as you. When we pay attention to these moments, we are living out our values in real time. We’re choosing connection over isolation, choosing humanity over hurry.

✨ Small moments matter more than we think.

- Marilyn Fitzpatrick

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