Tried Therapy Before? How to Start Again and Find a Better Fit

If you've tried therapy before and stopped, you're far from alone. Many people begin therapy with hope, only to find themselves dropping out weeks or months later. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes progress feels slower than expected. Sometimes the relationship with the therapist doesn't feel quite right. Whatever the reason, many people leave treatment wondering whether therapy can really help them.

Research suggests that early withdrawal from therapy is a common experience. In their review of more than 50 years of research on therapy dropout, Barrett and colleagues concluded that early withdrawal remains a significant challenge in mental health treatment and is influenced by a complex combination of client, therapist, and systemic factors.

The good news is that leaving therapy once does not mean therapy can never help you. In fact, your previous experience may provide important clues about what you need for therapy to be successful the next time around.

Why People Leave Therapy

There is rarely one simple reason.

Some people stop because scheduling, finances, childcare, work demands, or transportation become overwhelming. Others leave because they are not seeing the progress they hoped for. Some struggle with symptoms such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or low motivation that make attending sessions difficult.

For many people, however, the issue is more personal. They find themselves thinking:

"I don't think my therapist really understands me."

"I don't feel comfortable talking about what's most important."

"I don't think we're working on the right things."

"I'm not sure where this is going."

These experiences can leave people feeling discouraged, uncertain, and increasingly disconnected from the process.

When Therapy Leaves You Feeling Ashamed

Most people expect therapy to be a place where they feel understood. When that doesn't happen, the experience can be surprisingly painful.  Some clients leave feeling frustrated. Others leave feeling disappointed.  Some even end up feeling ashamed.

They may quietly conclude:

"Maybe I'm too complicated."

"Maybe I'm not trying hard enough."

"Maybe therapy works for other people, but not for me."

"Maybe I'm the problem."

These beliefs can linger for years.

Some people feel ashamed because they stopped attending and see themselves as having "failed" therapy. Others felt judged, misunderstood, dismissed, or pressured during treatment. Some never felt fully comfortable opening up. Others felt that the therapist's approach didn't fit their needs but blamed themselves rather than the mismatch. The unfortunate irony is that people who most need support are often the ones who become hesitant to seek it again.

But therapy is not a test you pass or fail.

A disappointing therapy experience does not mean you are resistant to treatment. It does not mean you lack motivation. It does not mean you are beyond help. More often, it means that something about the timing, approach, expectations, or therapeutic relationship was not working well enough to support meaningful progress.

Many experienced therapists have met clients who begin treatment by saying:

"I almost didn't come."

"I've tried therapy before and it wasn't helpful."

"I'm not sure I believe this will work."

These statements are not signs of failure. They are signs of courage, of someone who has been disappointed and is understandably cautious but willing to try again.

When Therapy Doesn't Feel Right

One of the most common reasons people leave therapy is that they never talk about their dissatisfaction. They worry about hurting their therapist's feelings. They don't want to seem difficult or critical. Or they assume that if therapy isn't helping, there is no point discussing it.

In reality, some of the most productive conversations in therapy begin with honest feedback. If something feels off, consider saying:

"I'm not sure we're focusing on what feels most important to me."

"I find myself leaving sessions feeling stuck rather than clearer."

"I'd like to talk about how therapy is going because something doesn't feel right."

"I'm realizing I need something different from therapy than I thought I did when I started."

"I don't think I've been completely honest about some of my concerns, and I'd like to talk about them."

A skilled therapist will not see these statements as criticism. They will see them as valuable information, an opening to a conversation that can facilitate important changes in therapy. Sometimes these conversations help identify obstacles that have not been discussed or clarify that another approach may be more appropriate.

All of those outcomes are preferable to quietly withdrawing and carrying unanswered questions on your own shoulders.

Maybe You Need a Different Approach

Research consistently shows that the therapeutic alliance, the collaborative relationship between therapist and client, is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy. However, not every therapist is the right fit for every client. This can be difficult to accept because many people assume that if therapy isn't working, they must be doing something wrong. Yet therapy is fundamentally a relationship, and relationships vary in quality and fit.

Some people discover they want a therapist who is more direct and structured. Others need greater emotional exploration. Some benefit from practical coping strategies, while others need a deeper understanding of longstanding patterns.

If you're wondering whether your current therapy is the right fit, consider having an open conversation that might start with one of the following sentences.

"I appreciate the work we've done together, but I think I may need a different approach."

"I've been reflecting on what I need from therapy, and I'm not sure we're getting there."

"Can we talk about whether another type of treatment might fit my goals better?"

"I don't necessarily want to quit therapy. I'm wondering whether there's a different way of approaching things. Can you help me think through other options that might be available?" Our therapists welcome these conversations and are happy to help clients find the care that best meets their needs.

Talking to a New Therapist About a Previous Disappointing Experience

Starting over can feel daunting. You might hesitate to tell a new therapist about a negative experience fearing that it will make you look resistant, unmotivated, or difficult. In reality, your previous experience is valuable information.

A new therapist doesn't need a polished explanation. They simply need to understand what happened and what you'd like to be different this time. Here are some ideas of things you might say.

"I've been to therapy before, but I stopped because I didn't feel we were connecting."

"I felt like we talked about problems but never really moved toward solutions."

"I wasn't sure what we were working toward, and eventually I lost motivation."

"There were things I didn't feel comfortable saying."

"I left feeling discouraged, so I'm a little nervous about trying again."

And then, you have a great opening to tell your therapist what you hope for this time around:

"I'd like us to be clear about goals."

"I'd appreciate regular check-ins about whether therapy is helping."

"I want to feel comfortable talking about concerns as they come up."

None of this is a sign of failure. These are signs of self-awareness. A good therapist will not expect you to pretend that the previous experiences never happened. Instead, they can use those experiences to help understand you better.

Thinking About Trying Again? Looking to find a better fit?

At Medipsy, we understand that reaching out after a disappointing therapy experience can take tremendous courage.

Whether you left therapy recently or years ago, you don't need to hide your doubts, your frustrations, or your fears that it might not work. We welcome conversations about previous therapy experiences, including what felt unhelpful and what you're hoping will be different this time. Our goal is to help you find an approach, a pace, and a therapeutic relationship that fit your needs.

If you've been wondering whether it's worth trying again, we invite you to reach out using our form, by emailing us or calling 514-419-3005 for a quick chat with Maria or Sandy.

Sources and Further Reading

The information in this article is informed by peer-reviewed research on psychotherapy engagement, treatment dropout, and the therapeutic alliance, including the following.

Barrett, M. S., Chua, W. J., Crits-Christoph, P., Gibbons, M. B., Casiano, D., & Thompson, D. (2008). Early withdrawal from mental health treatment: Implications for psychotherapy practice. Psychotherapy, 45(2), 247-267. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-3204.45.2.247 [pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov], [europepmc.org]

Swift, J. K., & Greenberg, R. P. (2012). Premature discontinuation in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 80(4), 547-559. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0028226 [pubmed.ncb...lm.nih.gov], [europepmc.org]

Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Wampold, B. E., & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316-340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172 [societyfor...herapy.org], [scispace.com]